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From: "Caron, Guy" <g.caron@bell.ca>
To: "ecrit@ietf.org" <ecrit@ietf.org>
Thread-Topic: [Ecrit] I-D Action: draft-ietf-ecrit-lost-planned-changes-00.txt
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Date: Tue, 12 Dec 2017 22:25:57 +0000
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Subject: Re: [Ecrit] I-D Action: draft-ietf-ecrit-lost-planned-changes-00.txt
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Hi ECRIT,

I reviewed the document against the comments I provided 26 July 2016 (see a=
ttached) and finds that all except two comments were addressed in this vers=
ion. The remaining ones are:

c. In Section 5 - uri Not Stored Warning, it is mentioned the 'uriNotStored=
' is added to the exceptionContainer. I'm no RelaxNG expert but the excepti=
onContainer doesn't seem to be extended to include uriNotStored in the Rela=
xNG schema in Section 7; only the basic Exception pattern seems to be defin=
ed.

Introduction Section
8. Third paragraph: Add a period at the end of the paragraph, after "revali=
dation".

Thanks to the author for addressing my comments. I'm looking forward to see=
 this draft, which already went through WGLC, moving forward.

Regards,

Guy

-----Message d'origine-----
De=A0: Ecrit [mailto:ecrit-bounces@ietf.org] De la part de internet-drafts@=
ietf.org
Envoy=E9=A0: 31 octobre 2017 17:45
=C0=A0: i-d-announce@ietf.org
Cc=A0: ecrit@ietf.org
Objet=A0: [Ecrit] I-D Action: draft-ietf-ecrit-lost-planned-changes-00.txt


A New Internet-Draft is available from the on-line Internet-Drafts director=
ies.
This draft is a work item of the Emergency Context Resolution with Internet=
 Technologies WG of the IETF.

        Title           : Validation of Locations Around a Planned Change
        Author          : Brian Rosen
	Filename        : draft-ietf-ecrit-lost-planned-changes-00.txt
	Pages           : 10
	Date            : 2017-10-30

Abstract:
   This document defines an extension to LoST (RFC5222) that allows a
   planned change to the data in the LoST server to occur.  Records that
   previously were valid will become invalid at a date in the future,
   and new locations will become valid after the date.  The extension
   adds two elements to the <findservice> request: A URI to be used to
   inform the LIS that previously valid locations will be invalid after
   the planned change date, and add a date which requests the server to
   perform validation as of the date specified.  It also adds an
   optional Time-To-Live element to the response, which informs clients
   about the current expected lifetime of the validation.


The IETF datatracker status page for this draft is:
https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-ecrit-lost-planned-changes/

There are also htmlized versions available at:
https://tools.ietf.org/html/draft-ietf-ecrit-lost-planned-changes-00
https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/html/draft-ietf-ecrit-lost-planned-changes=
-00


Please note that it may take a couple of minutes from the time of submissio=
n until the htmlized version and diff are available at tools.ietf.org.

Internet-Drafts are also available by anonymous FTP at:
ftp://ftp.ietf.org/internet-drafts/

_______________________________________________
Ecrit mailing list
Ecrit@ietf.org
https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/ecrit

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From: "Caron, Guy" <g.caron@bell.ca>
To: "ecrit@ietf.org" <ecrit@ietf.org>
Subject: Re: [Ecrit] WGLC Announce: Validation of Locations Around a Planned
 Change
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 Change
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Hi ECRIT,

I've reviewed this draft and finds the proposed mechanism helpful, well des=
igned and ready for prime time. My review comments are in the sections belo=
w where section A is for substantive comments and section B for editorial/c=
osmetic comments.

Thanks,

Guy

////// START \\\\\\

Section A - Substantive Comments
--------------------------------

a. The document uses the acronym "LI" but it is not defined, expanded or re=
ferenced to anywhere. It is not even used in RFC5222. Consider replacing by=
 the generic term "location".

b. In Section 3 - <plannedChange> element, the length limit of the URI is d=
efined as "less than 256 bytes". Consider changing to "256 bytes or less".

c. In Section 5 - uri Not Stored Warning, it is mentioned the 'uriNotStored=
' is added to the exceptionContainer. I'm no RelaxNG expert but the excepti=
onContainer doesn't seem to be extended to include uriNotStored in the Rela=
xNG schema in Section 7; only the basic Exception pattern seems to be defin=
ed.

Section B - Editorial/Cosmetic
------------------------------

1. The document uses delimiters (", ', <>) inconsistently when referring to=
 defined strings and terms. Consider using delimiters in a consistent way t=
hroughout the document. An option would be to use <> for elements (e.g., <p=
lannedChange>) and request/response (e.g., <findServiceResponse>), single q=
uotes for attributes (e.g., 'asOf') and double quotes for general English t=
erms (e.g., "as of now").

Abstract Section
2. "The extension adds two elements to the <findservice> request: a URI to =
be used to inform the LIS..." capitalize "a" after the colon.
3. Spell out "TTL" (i.e., "Time-to-Live") and replace "all queriers" with "=
clients about" so that it reads "It also adds an optional Time-To-Live elem=
ent to the response, which informs clients about the current expected lifet=
ime of the validation."

Introduction Section
4. First paragraph: Replace "lt;" by "<" in front of "findServiceResponse>"=
.
5. First paragraph: Expand TTL to "Time-to-Live" and put TTL in parenthesis=
 so it would look like "Time-to-Live (TTL)".
6. Second paragraph: Add "-LO" after "PIDF".
7. Second paragraph: Replace "effectivity" (not a word) by "effective".
8. Third paragraph: Add a period at the end of the paragraph, after "revali=
dation".
9. Sixth paragraph: Replace "lt;" by "<" in front of "findServiceResponse>"=
.

<plannedChange> element Section
10. First paragraph: Capitalize "https".
11. First paragraph: Capitalize "uris" (i.e., "URIs") in the last two sente=
nces of the paragraph.

uri Not Stored Warning Section
12. Title: Capitalize "uri".
13. Capitalize "uri" in the last sentence.

TTL in Response Section
14: Title: Spell-out TTL and put TTL in parenthesis (i.e., "Time-To-Live (T=
TL)")
15. First paragraph: Add "attribute" after "'expires'" in the sentence star=
ting with "The form of the element is the 'expires'...".
16. First paragraph: Replace "No Cache" and "No Expiration" by "NO-CACHE" a=
nd "NO-EXPIRATION" respectively to reflect the actual values as defined in =
RFC5222.
17. First paragraph: Change "...and MUST NOT be returned in TTL" to "... an=
d MUST NOT be returned in the <ttl> element".
18. Fourth paragraph: Add "value" after TTL in the first sentence.

Security Considerations Section
19. Second paragraph: In the fourth sentence, add "attribute" after "uri" a=
nd make byte plural (i.e., "The server MUST validate that the content of th=
e uri attribute sent is syntactically valid and meets the 256 bytes limit")
20. Second paragraph: Capitalize "uri" and "http" in the last sentence.
21: Third paragraph: Delete "when" and capitalize "uri" in the first senten=
ce (i.e., " The mutual authentication between client and server is RECOMMEN=
DED for both the initial <findService> operation that requests storing the =
URI...")

\\\\\\ END //////

-----Message d'origine-----
De : Ecrit [mailto:ecrit-bounces@ietf.org] De la part de Roger Marshall
Envoy=E9 : 19 juillet 2016 16:51
=C0 : ecrit@ietf.org
Objet : [Ecrit] WGLC Announce: Validation of Locations Around a Planned Cha=
nge

Today starts a working group last call for:

Validation of Locations Around a Planned Change http://tools.ietf.org/html/=
draft-ecrit-lost-planned-changes/

Please review the document and send comments to the ECRIT mail list by CoB,=
 July 30, 2016.


Thanks,

Marc & Roger
ECRIT Chairs
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