Subject: [DMM] Editorial suggestions for draft-ietf-dmm-requirements-03

From: "Charles E. Perkins" <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2013 17:19:22 -0700

Hello folks,

Here are some editorial suggestions for the document.

Check for missing articles.  For instance:
"Gateway selection mechanism"  -->  "A gateway selection mechanism"

"is also taking the"  -->  "also takes"

Delete "However" before "assigning".

Delete "Issues such as"

Delete "When demand exceeds capacity,"  or else explain why
the benefits are unavailable otherwise.

"In particular, there is an increase in direct communications among
    peers in the same geographical area."
           --> there has always been such locality... in fact maybe less
                 now than previously.  Otherwise, please provide a citation.

Delete "While deploying"

"today's mobile networks, service providers face"  -->
            "Today's mobile networks present service providers with"

Delete "more often than not,"

Delete "Therefore it is not uncommon to observe that"

"ever-increasing" -->  "unnecessary"

"provided"  -->  "managed"

"non-optimal"  -->  "unnecessary"

Delete "Given this motivational background in this section,"

"address these problems":  at this point in the document, the
                 problems have not been identified.  As suggested earlier,
                 there should be a section devoted to listing the problems,
                 and then a cross reference to that section could go here.

"changing IP address"  -->  "locator IP address"

Insert "The" before "Gateway GPRS Support Node"

"respectively, act"  -->  "all act"

"SAE"  -->  "EPC"

"closeby"  -->  "nearby"

Center figure 2.  (and might as well center figure 1 too)

"future flat IP-based"  -->  "flat IP-based"
                 (unwise to predict the future)

"states the requirements as follows" -->
                                                "identifies the 
following requirements"

"Distributed deployment"  -->  "Distributed processing"
                 ... also in "REQ1"

"of IP sessions"  -->  "of some flows"

"an optimal manner"  -->  "to avoid known bottlenecks"

"This requirement addresses problems PS1, PS2, PS3, and PS4 in the
    following."
                 ...  the following ?what?

"each MN therein" .... the MNs are not "in" the tunnel, and they are
                                                 not "in" the mobility 
anchor.

"Centralized anchoring"  -->  "Centralized anchoring designs"

"Distributing
          the tunnel maintenance function and the mobility context
          maintenance function among different network entities can
          increase scalability."
                 -->  only when the signaling protocol is properly designed.

"is to be inline"  -->  "conforms"

"may need to interoperate with a network or mobile hosts/
           routers that do not support DMM protocols."
                 ... this is technically infeasible.
Suggested replacement:
"may need to co-exist with a network or mobile hosts/
           routers that do not support DMM protocols."

Delete "The motivations of this requirement are"

-- 
Regards,
Charlie P.