Subject: [eap] sm-02 nits

From: [email-masked] (Jari Arkko)
Date: Wed, 14 May 2003 14:21:05 +0300

1. Abstract is too long, appears to be more of an introduction than
a brief abstract. Suggested rewrite:

   "This document describes informational state machines for the
    participants in the Extensible Authentication Protocol (EAP).
    State machines are given for the EAP peers and authenticators,
    the passthrough method, and for the backend adapter. The
    state machine for the EAP authenticator can operate with
    local authentication or through a backend authentication
    server connected via an Authentication, Authorization,
    and Accounting (AAA) protocol. The state machines have
    been described using the EAP multiplexing model, which
    divides the events and actions to those handled by the
    EAP multiplexer and those handled by the EAP methods."

2. Isn't it customary to expand abbreviations in the
title? Perhaps this document could be called "State Machines
for the Extensible Authentication Protocol (EAP)"?

3. Can we synchronize the figures in Section 2.2 of RFC
2284bis-03, and Section 2 of the SM draft? At the same
time, it might make sense to call Section 2 "Introduction",
and treat the above additional subjects:

    - Document authority (take text from 3.2)

Also, it might make sense to combine the format text
in the first and last paragraphs of section 2 in one
place.

4. In 3.2, perhaps replace the last sentence with
"If there are any discrepancies between this document
and [RFC2284bis], [RFC2869bis], the latter two take
precedence."

5. In 4.2, perhaps the notation in "IN: eapReqData, (reqId)"
could be clarified. I suppose the paranthesis mean optional
or out-of-scope information? Or do they mean parameters to
a function?

6. Spelling: Passtrhough, peerto.

7. References to be split to normative and non-normative.
For this document, I believe the normative ones are 2119,
2284bis, and 2869bis. IEEE documents are non-normative.

8. It might make sense to refer to just 2284bis, not 2284.

--Jari