Subject: [eman] Review of draft-ietf-eman-applicability-statement-03

From: 吴华明 <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 18 Jul 2013 12:10:49 +0200

Dear Authors,
    I have read the document of draft-ietf-eman-applicability-statement-03.
It is a very useful document. I noticed some minor issues which I'd like to
address. Mostly, they're typos. Also, there are some confusions which I
would like them to be described more clearly. To further improve the
document, the authors may consider the following comments.

------------
Abstract

"EMAN" is explained in the abstract while "SNMP" and "MIB" are not.
"SNMP" is short for Simeple Network Management Protocol and "MIBS" is short
for Management Information Base, both are explained in the introduction.
Maybe "SNMP" and "MIB" should be explained in the abstract as "EMAN".
------------
1.1
   People maybe not familiar with the YANG modules and NETCONF, some
related references  should better given.
------------
1.2
   To be easy to understand, different text dash titles could be used in
this section, for example, "Applicability Statement [EMAN-AS] -- this
document presents" or "--Applicability Statement [EMAN-AS]: this document
presents".
   The sentence in Requirements [EMAN-REQ], "the scope of the devices
considered", maybe "considers (lists) the scope of the devices" or "the
scope of the devices is considered".
------------
2.2
   In second paragraph, "Monitoring the power consumption of the switch
(supplying device) and the power consumption of the PoE end-points
(consuming drvices)" can be simplified by "Monitoring the power consumption
of the switch (supplying device) and the PoE end-points (consuming
drvices)".
   In third paragraph, to be simple,"the power consumption of all the IP
phones" could be replaced by "them",
   The third paragraph and the last paragraph is the same. Is it excess?
------------
2.3
   In third paragraph, "The wall outlet the PC is plugged in can be metered
for example by a Smart PDU,or unmetered", may be " The wall outlet where
the PC is plugged in, can be metered for example by a Smart PDU,or
unmetered" is much more clearly.
   There is a point missing at the end of paragraph five.
------------
2.8
   In third paragraph, a phrase "in the event" is duplicated, and one
should be deleted.
------------
4.1.2.1
   In third paragraph, people maybe confused about the word "eight" in the
sentence "Power states are eight named operational and non operational
levels", but only six levels named " On, Sleep-Light, Sleep-Deep,
Hibernate, Off-Soft, and Off-Hard" can be found in the text.
4.1.2.2
   In fist sentence," Desktop And Mobile Architecture for System Hardware",
maybe "And" should be"and".
   In second sentence, after "etc.", there is a comma is missing.
------------
4.3.1
   In the third paragraph, "benchmarking" should be "Bechmarking".
------------
4.3.2
   In second paragraph, "Energy Star is a program; it is not a protocol or
standard", may be "Energy Star is a program instead of a protocol or
standard" is much better.

Thanks a lot for your work,

Best Regards
Huaming WU
PhD Candidate
Institute of Computer Science
Freie Universität Berlin
Takustr. 9, D-14195 Berlin, Germany

---

From: 吴华明 <[email-masked]>
Date: Mon, 22 Jul 2013 17:45:58 +0200

Dear Authors,
    I have read the document of draft-ietf-eman-applicability-statement-03.
It is a very excellent document and are well writen. I noticed some minor
issues which I'd like to address. Mostly, they're typos. Also, there are
some confusions which I would like them to be described more clearly. To
further improve the document, the following comments may be considered.

------------
Abstract

Maybe "SNMP" and "MIB" should be explained in the abstract like "EMAN".

Best Regards
Huaming WU
PhD Candidate

---

From: "Mouli Chandramouli (moulchan)" <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 23 Jul 2013 10:44:50 +0000

Hi,

Thanks for taking time to review the draft.  We plan to revise the applicability statement draft after this IETF meeting and shall consider your review comments during the revision.

Thanks
Mouli

From: 吴华明 <[email-masked]<mailto:[email-masked]>>
Date: Monday, 22 July 2013 9:15 PM
To: "[email-masked]<mailto:[email-masked]>" <[email-masked]<mailto:[email-masked]>>, Mouli Chandramouli <[email-masked]<mailto:[email-masked]>>, "[email-masked]<mailto:[email-masked]>" <[email-masked]<mailto:[email-masked]>>, "[email-masked]<mailto:[email-masked]>" <[email-masked]<mailto:[email-masked]>>
Subject: Fwd: Review of draft-ietf-eman-applicability-statement-03

Dear Authors,
    I have read the document of draft-ietf-eman-applicability-statement-03. It is a very excellent document and are well writen. I noticed some minor issues which I'd like to address. Mostly, they're typos. Also, there are some confusions which I would like them to be described more clearly. To further improve the document, the following comments may be considered.

------------
Abstract

"EMAN" is explained in the abstract while "SNMP" and "MIB" are not.
"SNMP" is short for Simeple Network Management Protocol and "MIBS" is short for Management Information Base, both are explained in the introduction.
Maybe "SNMP" and "MIB" should be explained in the abstract like "EMAN".
------------
1.1
   People maybe not familiar with the YANG modules and NETCONF, some related references  should better given.
------------
1.2
   To be easy to understand, different text dash titles could be used in this section, for example, "Applicability Statement [EMAN-AS] -- this document presents" or "--Applicability Statement [EMAN-AS]: this document presents".
   The sentence in Requirements [EMAN-REQ], "the scope of the devices considered", maybe "considers (lists) the scope of the devices" or "the scope of the devices is considered".
------------
2.2
   In second paragraph, "Monitoring the power consumption of the switch (supplying device) and the power consumption of the PoE end-points (consuming drvices)" can be simplified by "Monitoring the power consumption of the switch (supplying device) and the PoE end-points (consuming drvices)".
   In third paragraph, to be simple,"the power consumption of all the IP phones" could be replaced by "them",
   The third paragraph and the last paragraph is the same. Is it excess?
------------
2.3
   In third paragraph, "The wall outlet the PC is plugged in can be metered for example by a Smart PDU,or unmetered", may be " The wall outlet where the PC is plugged in, can be metered for example by a Smart PDU,or unmetered" is much more clearly.
   There is a point missing at the end of paragraph five.
------------
2.8
   In third paragraph, a phrase "in the event" is duplicated, and one should be deleted.
------------
4.1.2.1
   In third paragraph, people maybe confused about the word "eight" in the sentence "Power states are eight named operational and non operational levels", but only six levels named " On, Sleep-Light, Sleep-Deep, Hibernate, Off-Soft, and Off-Hard" can be found in the text.
4.1.2.2
   In fist sentence," Desktop And Mobile Architecture for System Hardware", maybe "And" should be"and".
   In second sentence, after "etc.", there is a comma is missing.
------------
4.3.1
   In the third paragraph, "benchmarking" should be "Bechmarking".
------------
4.3.2
   In second paragraph, "Energy Star is a program; it is not a protocol or standard", may be "Energy Star is a program instead of a protocol or standard" is much better.

Best Regards
Huaming WU
PhD Candidate