Subject: [IPsec] IKEv2bis editorial nits (Sections 1-2)

From: <[email-masked]>
Date: Mon, 18 Jan 2010 17:20:52 +0100

- Abstract: "It replaces..." Here "it" seems to refer to "IKE", which
isn't correct; it should refer to "This document". This could be fixed
by e.g. switching the first and second sentence, or changing "it" to
"This document".

- Section 1.2: s/IKE_INFORMATIONAL/INFORMATIONAL/

- Section 1.4, 3rd paragraph: suggest changing "message with no
payloads" and "also contain no payloads" to "empty message" (Section
1.2 says empty message means encrypted payload only, but "no payloads"
sounds a bit different)

- Section 2.21.2: There's a "NOTE FOR WG DISCUSSION" (just FYI so it's
not forgotten there)

- Section 2.23: "port on which this packet was sent": would "port from
which this packet was sent" be clearer?

- Section 2.23, 5th bullet ("The recipient of either..."): the "that
system SHOULD start sending keepalive packets as defined in
[UDPENCAPS]" is a bit redundant; it's repeated two bullets later.

- Section 2.25.1, first paragraph: "..based on the nonces": 
suggest adding pointer "(see Section 2.8.1)".  

- Section 2.25.1, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: suggest 
adding pointer "(see Section 1.4.1)"

- Section 2.25.2, "...based on the nonces": suggest adding 
pointer "(see Section 2.8.2)".

Best regards,
Pasi

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From: Paul Hoffman <[email-masked]>
Date: Mon, 18 Jan 2010 15:16:42 -0800

All of these are fine; done.

--Paul Hoffman, Director
--VPN Consortium