Subject: Re: [Isms] Request for review of Remote Authentication Dial-In User Service (RADIUS) Usage for Simple Network Management Protocol (SNMP) Transport Models

From: Juergen Schoenwaelder <[email-masked]>
Date: Sun, 11 Nov 2007 22:48:01 +0100

On Thu, Oct 18, 2007 at 06:11:21PM -0400, David B. Nelson wrote:
 
> Following up on my previous post, I'd like to get active review of the ISMS
> RADIUS Usage document
> (http://www.ietf.org/internet-drafts/draft-ietf-isms-radius-usage-00.txt),
> even if we are not ready to formally call for WGLC.

Here is my review of draft-ietf-isms-radius-usage-00.txt.

In general, the document seems fine; my comments are mostly
editorial.  Note that I have some comments concerning the
definitions in [radman] that I will post to the radext mailing
list and the resolution might affect this document.

While reading the ID, I had the feeling there is some repetition
and redundancy in the document but then I am probably too much
involved in this to judge readability from the point of a casual
reader.

a) p4: s/small a sub-set/a small sub-set/

b) p5: the following text perhaps can be simplified

   OLD

   Secure transport protocols used with SNMP Transport Models have
   defined authentication protocols that allows for authentication by
   various methods.  For example, the Secure Shell (SSH) Authentication
   protocol [RFC4252] describes an authentication protocol and support
   multiple methods that can be used SSH servers to authenticate the SSH
   client, these methods include Public Key, Password and Host
   (e.g.hosts.equiv).

   NEW

   Some secure transport protocols that can be used with SNMP
   Transport Models have defined authentication protocols
   supporting several authentication methods.  For example, the
   Secure Shell (SSH) Authentication protocol [RFC4252] supports
   multiple methods (Public Key, Password, Host-Based) to
   authenticate SSH clients.

c) p6: some suggested rewording

   OLD

   There are three ways in which RADIUS may be used to inform the use of
   SNMP Transport Models.

   NEW

   There are three ways in which RADIUS may be used by SNMP
   Transport Models.

d) p6: s/a authenticated/an authenticated/

e) p6: s/deployed models/deployed security models/

f) p6: s/the ACM uses/the ACS uses/

g) p6: s/Access Control Method/Access Control Model/

h) p7: s/they type/the type/

i) p8: s/be optionally be used,/be optionally used/

j) p9: you might add an informative reference to VACM in section 2.4

k) p11: s/Dave/David/

l) p11: reference [RFC4252] is incomplete

/js

-- 
Juergen Schoenwaelder           Jacobs University Bremen gGmbH
Phone: +49 421 200 3587         Campus Ring 1, 28759 Bremen, Germany
Fax:   +49 421 200 3103         <http://www.jacobs-university.de/>

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From: "David B. Nelson" <[email-masked]>
Date: Mon, 12 Nov 2007 15:27:25 -0500

Juergen Schoenwaelder writes...
 
> Here is my review of draft-ietf-isms-radius-usage-00.txt.

Thanks!

> list and the resolution might affect this document.

Note that the RADEXT WGLC on [radman] formally closed on October 19.  One
review was received last week.  We haven't issued a revised draft yet, so
comments are still welcome.  It would be appreciated if you could find time
to send in those comments this week.
 
> involved in this to judge readability from the point of a casual

Given the editorial history, I suspect that is correct.  We added
introductory material following the suggestion of Dave Harrington, and that
probably contributed to the repetition problem.  I'll take a fresh look at
the structure, to see if it is easy to reduce redundant text. 

>    authenticate SSH clients.

Looks good to me.

>    There are three ways in which RADIUS may be used by SNMP

OK.

> j) p9: you might add an informative reference to VACM in section 2.4

OK.