Subject: [NEXTEL-1] Latest Cellphone: Insert Finger In Ear

From: Marcel <[email-masked]>
Date: Sun, 27 Apr 2003 18:32:17 -0400

Latest Cellphone: Insert Finger In Ear

No Joke: Vibrations Make Finger Your Earpiece

Tom Egan covers coming trends in consumer technology
"Stick it in your ear!" used to be an epithet, but now it could become the slogan of a
cellular
phone company.

A new prototype phone fits entirely on a wrist band. You'll speak into a microphone on the

watch-sized device; but to hear, you'll stick your index finger in your ear. Japan's NTT
DoCoMO
calls the prototype device the Whisper Phone.

Shazbot! And I thought a finger could only be used to drink!

This digital phone is nearly the same size as a Star Trek communicator badge, but I
think the interface needs a little work. Would Patrick Stewart project the same feeling
of command with a finger stuck in his ear?

Good Vibrations

Oddly enough, you can hear with a finger stuck in your ear. (You can
even hear with a finger stuck in both ears. I know. I was married for
over 10 years.) The wrist phone will send vibrations up your hand,
through your finger and into your ear where they'll be translated to
sound. (You can make up your own jokes about vibrating hands and
phone sex).

Think that sounds like fuzzy science? You can prove it with this home experiment, best
performed at a party after two rounds of drinks have been served, but before you drink the

bong water.

Remove a metal shelf from your oven.
Get two pieces of string, about a foot long, and tie them to one end of the oven rack,
about one foot apart from one another.
Wrap the other end of each string around the index finger of each hand.
Have someone strike the shelf with a wooden spoon. Notice how it sounds.
Now, stick your index fingers in each ear and repeat the experiment.

You'll soon be saying things like, cosmic, far out, cool, and who stole my tie-dyed
T-shirt?
(Beware, if you've spent too much time in the '60s and '70s, this experiment can lead to
severe flashback.)

Yes, indeed, you can make a phone call by sticking a finger in your ear, but there are
several
potential etiquette problems involved.

You Can Pick Your Friends ?

Say you're driving your car, your wrist rings, you stick your finger in
your ear and say hello. Now suppose the call isn't for you, but for
the passenger in the seat beside you. Do you:

A) offer him the same finger you've just stuck in your ear,
B) lick the ear wax off your finger, thus offering your
passenger a "Wet Willy,"
or C) retract your index finger, offering the next most logical
finger, and say, "This is for you!?"

If you picked C, write to me when you get out of the hospital.

Will finger bowls make a comeback at restaurants so you can get rid of a waxy buildup
before
a meal?

Will people continue to shake hands as a greeting if they've had a finger in their ears
all
morning?

There will be no such thing as a "hands-free" Whisper Phone, so, of course, they'll never
be
used in a moving automobile. (Yeah, right!)

Appendages As Electronics

Soon, those of us who won't use a wrist phone in the car will have the joy of witnessing
one-handed drivers weaving through traffic with a finger stuck in their ear. I'd like to
suggest
some other attachments for the phone that could even heighten the entertainment value for
rush-hour commuters.

How about a speaker-phone attachment so the passenger sitting next to you can take part in

the conversation? The driver with the wrist phone can simply use his other hand as a
parabolic
reflector to send and receive the sound waves to the passenger. Say the wrist phone is on
the driver's right wrist, so he has his right index finger stuck in his ear: All he need
do is cup
his left hand, point the open side towards the passenger, and make a connection to his
reverberating sinus cavities by placing his thumb to his nose. Of course, there are no
hands
left on the wheel, but when has that ever hindered a truly important phone conversation
while
driving?

Another problem with cell phones is their annoying tendency to cut
out while driving. The answer? An auxiliary outside antenna!

Since the phone is attached to the driver, the only way to get an
outside antenna would be for the driver to dangle a body part
outside the vehicle. We've already accounted for both arms, so
what's needed is an auxiliary antenna running from the wrist cell
phone, down the driver's left leg. For clearer reception, all he need
do is recline his seat and thrust his left leg skyward through the
driver's side window.

Let's recap. We have right index finger in right ear, left thumb on tip of nose and left
leg thrust
out the window as the driver reclines in his seat. I should think that would take care of
any
problems with cell phone usage in cars within a few short months, and could help the
problem
of overcrowded freeways as well.

http://www.channel3000.com/sh/technology/consumernews/techtomorrow/national-technology-techtomorrow-20001024-171415.html

------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor ---------------------~-->
Get A Free Psychic Reading! Your Online Answer To Life's Important Questions.
http://us.click.yahoo.com/O10svD/Me7FAA/AG3JAA/61FxlB/TM
---------------------------------------------------------------------~->

Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/