Subject: [nemo] draft-ietf-nemo-home-network-models-00 (NEMO Home Network models)

From: Thierry Ernst <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 16 Jul 2004 15:30:42 +0900

Dear draft authors,

Here are a couple of comments on draft-ietf-nemo-home-network-models-00.

- why some of the new terms (Extended Home Network) are defined in
section 1 and not in section 2 "terminology" ? (section 2 is the actual
formal definition). I would recommend to move the text in 1 after the
text in 2, and to use words easier to understand as far as the
introduction is concerned.

- you should watch section 7 of draft-ietf-terminology, some of the
definitions have been included (to the request of the authors of the
usage draft), so they shouldn't appear in
draft-ietf-nemo-home-network-models. So, my recommendation is to remove
the entire section 2 and to move it to the terminology draft.

- "NEMO" should always be capitalized (not Nemo)

- should give a number to figures, and refer to them in the text.

#>------------------------------------------  Abstract: 

"NEMO and NEMO Design mailing lists" 
-> NEMO appears 2 times

#>------------------------------------------ Section 1

-> Figures or direct reference to section 4 and 5 would be useful to
describe "Extended Home Network" and "Aggregated Home Network"

Extended Home Network: In this disposition, the Home Network is but
one subnet
-> isn't there one work missing before "but" ?

When at Home

-> I don't think Home should be capitalized here

Also, it is valid for a Mobile Router to register using an address
   from one of its own NEMO-Prefixes in all three cases.

-> might be useful to say "using a **home** address". Also, I guess the
address is from an ingress iface of the MR.

"but are by no mean at limiting its scope of application" 
-> I don't think this sentence construction is correct

#>------------------------------------------ Section 2

  The following terms used in this document are defined in the mobile
   network terminology document [9]:

      mobile router (MR)

      mobile network

      mobile host (MH)
-> this is not exact, those terms are defined in RFC 3753

 Home Link: The link attached to the interface at the Home Agent on
      which the Home Prefix is configured. The interface can be a
      virtual interface, in which case the Home Link is a virtual Home
      Link.
-> the interface of who ? The MR ? The ingress or the egress ?

  Home Network: The Network formed by the application of the Home
      Prefix on the Home Link. With NEMO, the concept of Home Network is
      extended as explained below.
-> What is the "home prefix" ? Also, I think there is no need to
capitalize "network" 
-> in any case, the definition is not clear to me. Shouldn't the home
network be defined as the network where the HA is located in ? I think
that in many places "home network" should be replaced with "home link".
Only the home link is meaningful to me.

Mobile Home Network: A Mobile Network that is also a Home Network.
      The MR that own the NEMO-Prefix acts as a Home Agent for it.
-> What about "A mobile network that also serve as a home network" or "a
home networks that is also a mobile network" ?

-> "s" missiing in "own" 

#>------------------------------------------ Section 3

With basic NEMO 

-> this is meaningless. Say "With NEMO Basic Support". This appears in
other places (e.g. Appendix)

#>------------------------------------------ Section 4

extended Home Network
-> you forgot to capitalize "extended"

Home Network 
-> why isn't this called "home link" ? There is only one such link.
-> to me, the home network is the network in which the HA is located.
So, the disctinction is important

Section 4.1:
If the Home Address of the Mobile Router is derived from one of its
   Mobile Networks
-> you mean "derived from its NEMO-Prefixes (?)

 Alternate procedures for ensuring the connectivity of the Mobile
   Networks when at Home are described in Section 6. In Particular, it
   is
-> end of sentence is missing !

-> there is a section 4.1 but not section 4.2 ...

#>------------------------------------------ Section 5

-> the figure is not clear about showing the difference between "Extended Home Network"

-> there is a section 5.1 but not section 5.2 ...

Mobile Link
-> I don't think this as been defined. I propose to replace this with
"NEMO-link" as defined in draft-ietf-nemo-terminology

#>------------------------------------------ Section 6

or one of the prefixes of its Mobile Network(s)
-> or one of its NEMO-Prefixes

Thierry.

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From: Vijay Devarapalli <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 16 Jul 2004 16:22:39 -0700

hi Thierry,

Pascal has the xml source for the latest draft. He went on
vacation yesterday. I think all of your comments can be
addressed once he gets back.

regarding the technical content, the draft is ready for a
WG last call.

Vijay

---

From: Ryuji Wakikawa <[email-masked]>
Date: Sat, 17 Jul 2004 10:15:41 +0900

Hi Thierry and Vijay.

I agree on WG last call. 
We can update editorial changes after Pascal returns.

regards,
ryuji

At Fri, 16 Jul 2004 16:22:39 -0700,