Subject: [Simple] WGLC comments: draft-ietf-simple-msrp-relays-04

From: "Mary Barnes" <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 30 Jun 2005 15:43:59 -0500

Cullen and Rohan,

I've reviewed the draft and found only a few nits and editorial comments
(I'll respond separately to the thread on the Basic/Digest thread):

- Section 2.  First paragraph. Third sentence.  For someone unfamiliar
with SIMPLE WG, this sentence could be confusing as it reads as if
you're saying the 1st 2 sentences are describing something other than
MSRP, although I believe the intent of the "also" is to describe
additionally what MSRP does.  I would suggest to change from:
  "The SIMPLE Working Group has also developed
   MSRP (the Message Sessions Relay Protocol) [18] to convey sessions of
   messages directly between two end systems with no intermediaries."
to:
  "The SIMPLE Working Group developed
   MSRP (the Message Sessions Relay Protocol) [18] to convey sessions of
   messages directly between two end systems with no intermediaries."

- Section 3. Page 9.  2nd full sentence.  Change  "If the sender
set...." to "If the sender sets ...." 

- Section 5.3. page 15.  It might be nice to include a reference to the
specific section in the base MSRP spec that corresponds to those
identical procedures. 

- Section 6.4.1. 3rd paragraph, last sentence.  Change "...back to
original..." to "...back to the original..."

- Section 9.2.  1st paragraph, 4th sentence.  "A relays must..." -> "A
relay must..."

- Section 9.3.  2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence.  "...certain policy
operation..." -> "...certain policy operations..."

Regards,
Mary.

_______________________________________________
Simple mailing list
[email-masked]
https://www1.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/simple